Why I Stopped Chasing Goals
I used to be a big-time goal-setter.
This probably came from the burning desire that I have had since I was 13 to be more than I currently am.
I would dream about my possible future at any time, and it had become second nature to me.
But I always had a problem I couldn't get rid of.
I'd create vision boards, SMART goals, and other conventional methods, but despite all my best efforts, I kept falling back into old patterns and habits.
I was only daydreaming and not making any progress.
I imagined driving my dream car, a Nissan GTR R34, to work while I drove my old Mazda. I thought about living the finance bro lifestyle, even though I was just getting by.
Every time I set a goal, I somehow knew that I wouldn't reach it anyway.
The pull forward wasn't strong enough because of something I only learned in recent years.
I felt okay in the situation I was in.
Yes, my situation wasn't the best, but it could also be a lot worse, so I could accept it as it is.
Around 2022, after doing more research and watching YouTube for hours, I stumbled upon an old video by Dan Koe in which he explained how to craft an anti-vision.
It was the first time I'd ever heard about it, but I quickly realized that visualizing where you want to go, what you want to achieve, and how life is going to look (the pull) is only half the equation.
The other half is learning what you desperately want to refuse — your anti-vision (the push).
It's about rejecting futures and becoming aware of the unhealthy habits and patterns that rule your day and prevent you from achieving anything worthwhile. In other words, mapping out what way to live would feel like a slow death to you.
Learning about this concept 3 years ago was the breakthrough I so desperately needed.
It might be counterintuitive, but it had become more powerful than chasing goals.
The Goal-Setting Delusion (And Why Your Vision Board Is Lying To You)
As beginners, we are told that we must figure out our vision first.
That we need to know where we want to go to make a change.
And as this isn't entirely false, it's only half the equation.
Because traditional goal-setting has flaws.
Only looking at the things you want to own/ achieve and mapping out a potential plan to get there is merely dreaming.
I know that because this is what I have been doing for more than 8 years.
I thought about all the nice things I would buy, the cars I would drive, the traveling I would do, and how I would spend my free time with high-class people.
Fancy dreaming without any connection to reality, built on surface-level desires like fame, money, and status.
I was just visualizing how I would do things I've seen other guys do on Instagram or YouTube.
But as I told you, I was okay with where I was. I had nothing that pushed me, and because my delusional vision didn't pull me, I stayed where I was — stuck in mediocrity.
I set myself up for failure.
The mouse in the trap becomes far more motivated to escape and reach the cheese when a hungry cat is behind him. The promise of a reward (the cheese) can drive action, but the immediate threat (the cat) creates urgency and pushes the mouse to act beyond what the reward alone could inspire.
This means that rejection is a stronger motivator than desire.
But this realization unfolded in two problems.
at that time I had no true vision (other than the surface level one), no purpose, no Life’s Task (no cheese)
and I had no cat to chase me. There was no urgency in my life, that pushed me out of my comfort zone.
But this all changed in 2023 when my wife and I found out that we are getting a baby.
It was the moment from which everything shifted.
From this moment on and through a set of different other events, my purpose and my Life's Task unfolded right before me.
I now HAD a vision that pulled me forward and I realized that I HAD to build a business in order seize the opportunity and to make enough money to feed and provide for the family.
I had to, because otherwise our life's wouldn’t be as great as I wanted them to be, and I would spoil my Life's Task right from the beginning. I also would have no leverage over my time and finances and that meant working 8 hours a day for someone else to live a mediocre life I so desperately refused to live.
Slowly but surely my anti-vision formed itself.
It was a natural process that took its time, because I was only a beginner back then.
The same beginner that once was waiting for someone to give me what I thought I deserved. And now was building his own thing to work towards what he deserved.
To get what was his.
A huge difference.
And because I want you to get to that point way faster than me, I want to show you ho to build your own anti-vision in the following four steps.
The Rejection Revolution: How To Build Your Anti-Vision
The moment we found out that we are going to be parents wasn't my first moment of realization to be honest.
I had one particular before.
It happened on a drive back home from work when I listened to a song by Motionless in White when one of the lines hit me like truck.
"Am I living, or am I just alive?"
This question was the slap in the face I needed at that time, because I realized that I am currently just alive, but not really living.
I was spending 6-8 hours every day immersed in virtual worlds, escaping reality, while my real-life dreams collected dust. In that particular moment, the question flying through my head, I realized that what I am currently doing feels like a slow death. That I am waiting for someone to either help me, or end it all.
I envisioned exactly what my life would look like if I continued this path for 5 more years: chronically tired, no savings, no meaningful relationships, stuck in the same dead-end job, watching others build the life I claimed to want. The emotion that flooded through me wasn't inspiration—it was disgust. Pure, visceral rejection.
That anti-vision did what years of positive goal-setting couldn't.
This is what most personal development gets backward.
Most people chase what they want when they should first reject what they refuse. Vision pulls you forward, but anti-vision pushes you to move when you'd rather stay comfortable. And for beginners, that push is often what breaks the inertia of mediocrity.
When you're stuck in the gravitational pull of bad habits, you need a rocket booster of rejection to escape the atmosphere.
Let me show you how to build that rocket in four simple steps.
Step 1: The Life Rejection Statement
The foundation of your anti-vision is a clear, emotionally charged statement of the life you absolutely refuse to accept.
When I created mine, I didn't hold back. I wrote it in excruciating detail:
"I refuse to be the guy who's still living paycheck to paycheck at 30, who's given up on his dreams in exchange for comfort, who watches Netflix every night to numb himself from the reality that he never tried. I refuse to be the person who talks about 'someday' while that someday never comes. I refuse to live in the same 45-square-meter apartment for the next decade while scrolling through social media, envying others' lives instead of building my own."
The more specific and visceral you make this statement, the more it creates urgency.
Don't just write that you refuse mediocrity—describe exactly what mediocrity looks like for you.
What does that mediocre version of you wear? Eat? Say to themselves in the mirror? How do they feel on Sunday nights? Who do they make excuses to?
Get uncomfortably specific, because comfort is the enemy of change.
Step 2: The Mediocrity Boundary System
Once you've defined your anti-vision, you need to establish clear, non-negotiable standards that separate you from that rejected future.
I call these "mediocrity boundaries"—the lines you refuse to cross again.
For me, these boundaries included:
Never again wasting more than 1 hour per day on any form of entertainment that doesn't contribute to my growth
Never again going to bed without completing at least one meaningful task toward my business
Never again accepting financial stress as "normal"
Never again letting a week pass without measuring my progress
Each boundary needs to be crystal clear. "I won't waste time" is too vague. "I will never again spend more than 60 minutes per day on social media, gaming, or mindless entertainment" creates a clear line that can't be rationalized away.
These boundaries transformed my habits because they weren't aspirational—they were defensive. They protected me from my rejected future.
I have to track my time spent working to ensure that I'm not making excuses. I had to install apps that block certain sites automatically after time limits. I set up systems that make crossing these boundaries harder than respecting them.
When you establish these barriers between yourself and mediocrity, you start to see immediate behavioral change that goal-setting alone rarely delivers.
Step 3: The Visualization Contrast Method
Vision boards show you what you want.
But anti-vision requires you to vividly imagine what you refuse.
Each morning, I spend 3 minutes visualizing my anti-vision—the version of myself who gave in to comfort, who made excuses, who didn't protect his time and potential. I see him clearly: the empty bank account, the unfulfilled promises, the regret in his eyes when he thinks of what could have been.
Then I spend 3 minutes visualizing my vision—the life I'm building, the impact I'm having, the freedom I'm creating.
This contrast creates emotional tension that positive visualization alone never achieves. It's the difference between seeing a destination on a map versus feeling the heat of the fire behind you.
The visualization contrast method works because it engages both approach and avoidance motivation systems in your brain. Research shows that while approach motivation (moving toward rewards) is powerful, avoidance motivation (moving away from threats) often creates more immediate action.
This contrast became my daily emotional fuel when motivation faded and discipline wasn't enough.
Step 4: The Anti-Vision Reminder System
Your anti-vision is useless if you forget about it when temptation strikes.
You need strategic reminders placed at your decision points.
I placed physical reminders at my most vulnerable moments:
A note on my gaming setup with my anti-vision statement
A phone wallpaper showing a visual representation of my rejected future
An alarm that goes off at 7pm titled "Are you building or wasting tonight?"
A weekly calendar alert asking "Are you one week closer to your vision or your anti-vision?"
These reminders stopped bad habits in their tracks because they appeared exactly when I needed them most—at the moment of choice.
I even created what I call "pattern interrupts"—deliberate actions that force me to confront my anti-vision before acting on an impulse. Before opening any gaming or social media app, I made myself read my anti-vision statement out loud. This simple friction was often enough to break the automatic behavior.
The beauty of the anti-vision reminder system is that it acknowledges human weakness. It doesn't rely on willpower—it changes your environment to make good choices easier and bad choices harder.
This system is why I've maintained consistency where I previously failed.
My anti-vision isn't just a document I wrote once—it's an active force in my daily environment.
If you want to learn more about how to create a successful anti-vision get the free Refuse & Rise Guide.
— Chris